You're Gonna Miss This...

"No matter how miserable you may be right now, just remember...someday, you're gonna miss this. Sometime down the road you're going to look back and try to think of that very worst day you had, the worst pain...and at that moment in the future I bet you anything you would relive that worst day just to be there and have that opportunity again."

Its a mental monologue I've rehearsed to myself several times. And some of you friends, I may have said it to you as you embark on new adventures! I first started thinking this as college wound down to an end...and I felt I was cramming in all these fun experiences I never let myself have into a few short months. I certainly felt it during my three months in Africa. I remember complaining about waking up early for a game drive. What I would give to go on one right now! Especially knowing that isn't an experience any tourist can pay for.

More recently I used it frequently during miserable days in Costa Rica when I was freezing cold in the mountains with no water, light, heat, and bugs crawling all over me swearing I'd give anything to be back home in my nice warm house. At that breaking point (or near to it) I'd have to remind myself that most likely I will miss this experience I'm having someday. Someday I'll look back with a smile as I tell the story. It will have been an experience that shaped my life and made me into a stronger person.

And its so true. What I'd give to go back to one of those miserable nights just to be in that total freedom I had in Costa Rica! Hell...I can't even remember the 'worst' night anymore. Though I had my share of times when "I can't do this" crossed my mind.


I am 5 days out of my first MMA fight right now. For the first time in all the years I've been fighting I hit that wall...that low. I was training with a friend who has been sacrificing a lot of time to help me prepare. I had run for an hour beforehand, sure. I was dead tired. "Over trained" and hungry you might say. My sparring was slow and laborious. He did a takedown, and we grappled on the ground. I knew he was going extra light on me. I was laying there on my back; him in my guard...and it slipped.

"I'm done. I give up."
Those words caught me by surprise. I've gone through tough times and trials, but even if I was at the losing end I'd play it out until the finish.
It was a mental breaking point. I was so frustrated I had given up...so ANGRY at how unprepared I feel with technique coming into the fight...that I just...cried.
Yep, me. Roma, the "badass" fighter.

I know my biggest weakness is my own mind. It doesn't matter how many books you read on it, its still difficult to control those negative, automatic thoughts.

My friend stayed with me and just talked it over. I think I needed that more than another sparring session, jiu jitsu demonstration, or cardio session.

I'm thankful for the friends that have come through and taken care of me. To those who have never prepared for a fight....you run the gamut of emotions. Or at least I do. I'm lucky to have people around me who understand and are there to help me out. (you know who you are ;) )


I just came back from walking my dog. I sat down on a small hill for a while and just watched the snowflakes fall quizzically and cover everything in a blanket of white.

"Roma, someday...you're gonna miss this.
You'll look back one day on your fighting years with a smile....
laugh about your petty worries of making weight or not having enough moves under your belt
and by then you may have a bad back/bad shoulder/ a few more scars,
but you will know you would destroy yourself all over again just to step into
that cage and feel that primal rush when you touch gloves with your opponent.
Win or lose, it takes a certain type of person to step into that ring in the first place..."