Forgetting

Sort of an odd entry judging from my usual stuff on here...but I guess it may as well be whatever is on my mind regardless of relevance to fighting or whatnot.

I often wonder how a memory dies, how we forget something, more often than I wonder how we remember. What’s more, I’ve been considering lately if these two things are more closely related than they seem at first, that they’re not so mutually exclusive as we think they are.

There is one kind of forgetting that seems to be nothing more than misplaced information. We see a face and can’t remember the name, or pick up a telephone and can’t remember the number we want to call. This is simply a failure to remember. We know we have the information, it is somewhere in our mind, but we don’t know where in our mind. In a similar manner we lose things, or can’t find them. We know the object is still somewhere in our house, that it hasn’t disappeared or ceased to exist, even though we look everywhere for it.

There is another kind of forgetting: when we abandon a memory, do not keep it alive in our mind. This is temporary, because one day, perhaps even decades later, you remember it again, usually involuntarily.

(I find the experience of saying I have not thought of this at all in x years very strange, although I can’t quite explain why.)

We keep memories alive simply by thinking about them again, by bringing them to life again and again, by running these short films over and over again. Remembering may be like a relay, the passing of a baton: the initial memory may have died a long time ago.

There is yet a third kind of forgetting, similar to the second, where we stop thinking about something, where we forget that we ever knew something, but unlike the second kind, we never have any occasion to remember it again. The possibility of remembering remains forever unfulfilled.

This is the darkest oblivion, and I find it oddly frightening, I suppose because my mind cannot fathom it. How can I imagine something I have forgotten without also at least imagining that I have remembered it?

"Someday, we'll forget the hurt, the reason we cried and who caused us pain. We will finally realize that the secret of being free is not revenge, but letting things unfold in their own way and own time"

But is that really true? ....

Belting and Crosstraining

Today was the first official belting at the Dog Pound. Amanda and Brandon came down ans we all lined up in the ring. It was really fun to see my teammates get the belts that they have deserved for a long time. I didn't expect it, but I was given 3 stripes! Just more motivation to work hard for that blue belt. Oh, and I suppose a tradition is if you get a new belt, all the belted people of higher rank get one chance to whip you! :)

(I'm laughing because coach commented that I tied my belt wrong...and I asked if he was going to take away one of my stripes for that ;) )

Not long after I drove two hours to Helena so I could crosstrain at Bret Hamlin's Heltown Hybrid. On the way up I called Giovanni, a coach from Chicago who had helped me out. I hadn't talked to him for over 10 months. I remembered him telling me before I moved away, "remember where you came from." He believed I would go far and reminded me not to let it get to my head and remember those people who helped build the foundation of who I am today. True to my word, I have not forgotten. It was really nice to speak with him again.

I had a little trouble finding the gym; Bret and Emily met me and I followed them over. It was a nice facility and Bret is a very good instructor. We did a mix of kickboxing, takedowns, and grappling. Emily (my opponent from the fight in February) is training for a fight in July so I partly came down there to help her out.


Overall life is good. As I was driving I thought of that song lyric "somethings gotta go wrong 'cause I'm feeling so damn good." I also have my first sponsor: Primal Fitness. Since I know Mark and love parkour, that is very special to me and I will represent them with pride. I'm thinking black and red fight shorts with an embroidered Primal logo on it.

It is almost 10pm...and I feel like training more. I feel like I'm falling into my old trap of overdoing it or being a bit too obsessive and losing the balance in life I have worked so hard to achieve. I will wait until early tomorrow morning to go train again, I suppose.

Dreams to Chase

Sometimes I'm overwhelmed because there are too many things I want to do and become. I want to be a pro MMA fighter, expert at parkour, travel the world. And I guess sometimes I'm a bit impatient. I haven't been as efficient with my time as I would like. So I'm just going to lay down some goals.

First, my main focus will be to turn pro in MMA. In order to do so:
-No excuses on missing a lifting routine
-Cardio (hill sprints, car pushing, etc)
-Take every opportunity I can to spar and grapple. My teammate Scott has been taking the time to help me out.
-Improve meditation/imagery and full body awareness
-Train Ginastica

Dream goals:
One day I'd like to get sponsored as a pro
I want to win a pro title fight
I want a blue belt in jiu jitsu
I want to travel to Thailand and Brazil to train (visit Costa Rica as well)
I want to write a book encompassing travel, fighting, and parkour. Yes, they fit together. Just getting started on it is the hard part.


Going after a dream is so much easier when you have someone who believes in you...I'm very lucky to have friends, teammates, and coaches who encourage me and believe I can do this.

I will have to sacrifice some social life and I know I'll get some backlash for that, but at this point in my life I'm going to go all out after this dream. If I fail? So what. The worst regret is if I do not try.

If you have any workout ideas/tips/etc I'd love to hear them :)

Tomorrow's 5am wakeup is going to come soon! I'm ready to go after this and work through whatever challenge may come in my way.